Paris a to Z Read online

  Prologue… Zach…

  THE club was dark and seedy. The vinyl stools at the bar were torn, the tables grimy. The air seemed smoky despite the public smoking ban Denver had passed years ago, and I wondered if it had been trapped here all that time, lingering with the dust and the pheromones. It made the place feel dangerous.

  Just walking through the door made my pulse race and my cock hard.

  This wasnt what Angelo would have picked. He liked places that were loud and full of energy. Places where he could dance and flirt and see what was in a mans eyes before they got too close. Places where the thick black eyeliner he wore at my request didnt set him apart.

  The bar was a scene from my past. Id picked it not because I expected to see anyone I knew, but because I knew most of the men there had only one thing on their agenda. Angelo entered ahead of me, a lamb walking willingly into the meat market. I suspected he wanted nothing more than to turn around and walk back outside, but he was good at bravado. Although a dozen pairs of eyes turned to watch us, I was sure nobody else saw the split second of hesitation he had about entering. Nobody else thought twice about the fact that he walked straight to the bar and ordered two shots of tequila, which he slammed without even a breath in between. But after more than two years together, I knew him well. He was nervous.

  “Never pictured you at a place like this,” he said, as he turned and scanned the other men in the bar.

  “I used to come here,” I told him. “Before Jonathan left me.” My patronage of this bar and my activities with the men Id met here had been a large part of the reason Jon had moved out. In hindsight, I could admit to myself that was half the reason Id done it. I was too much of a coward to end things with him. It had been easier to line up the dominos, but let him be the one to knock them over.

  Angelos sidelong glance at me was wary. “You used to come here with him?” I knew what he was really asking: did I used to do this with him.

  “No,” I said, stepping close to his side so that I could put my arms around him. He didnt turn toward me, but he tilted his head away from me so I could put my lips against his ear. I had to brush his thick black hair out of the way first. It had grown out again, hanging in his eyes as it had when I first met him. “We never did anything together like this,” I said.

  The truth was, it had never occurred to me back then. I hadnt known until much more recently how much of a voyeur I really was.

  New Years Eve, nearly two years before, I had watched Cole and Angelo flirting with each other across Jared and Matts crowded living room. Part of me had known that other men would have been jealous, but I wasnt. Cole was no threat to me. I knew that what Angelo and I shared went far deeper than sex. He was an angel who only landed for me. Letting him fly a bit wouldnt change that.

  Following that realization came the mental image of the two of them together, and I had felt myself grow hard at the thought.

  I knew Jared assumed that Angelo had asked to go with Cole and I had given in, but that wasnt the case. I was the one who suggested it. Telling Angelo it was okay for him to fool around with Cole had been easy. It was waiting in the kitchen for him that had been hard. It wasnt that I regretted allowing it to happen, but I did regret not insisting that I at least be in the room. Wondering exactly what they were doing together had been simultaneously maddening and arousing. When I learned later that evening that there were still things that Angelo reserved for me alone, I felt vindicated. It was all the proof I ever needed that he was mine in every way that really mattered. Still, it was only a quick fuck. After that night, it was all but forgotten by me, and I was pretty sure by Ang as well. It had no bearing on our relationship at all.

  The Vegas trip had changed everything. The first night at the club had been Angelos idea. And his frank statement that he wanted to dance—and I had known as soon as he said it that he meant more than just moving to the music—had sparked the same emotions in me Id felt as I watched him and Cole eyeing each other across a room. I could let him fly a bit. I knew he would always come home. So I stood there, with my exboyfriend at my side, watching Angelo dance. I knew Jon was talking, although I barely heard a word he said. I could only see Angelo. And what I saw was a revelation to me. He was beautiful and wild and completely unashamed. So many men wanted him, and although he encouraged their attentions to some extent, he was always in control.

  Of course, that night had ended badly, but not because of the dancing. I woke the next morning to find him gone, just a note on the bed to tell me hed be back. And as upset as I was at him for what hed said the night before, underneath it was the growing knowledge that more than anything, I wanted to go back to the club. I wanted to watch him with those men.

  The second night at the club had been my idea, and mine alone. Jared and Matt probably assumed that night was Angelos idea, too, but they couldnt have been more wrong.

  It wasnt just about seeing him fool around. It had more to do with control. I knew that before me, Angelo had always had to be in charge of his sexual encounters. He was always the one calling the shots. The fact that when he was with me, he handed me the reins and followed without question was part of what made him mine.

  So I watched him on the dance floor, and I became more and more aroused as the night went on. I watched him control every encounter he had. And then I dragged him into the mens bathroom, and he let go of that control for me. He let me push him into the stall and bend him over in front of me. He let me do something he would never in his life allow another man to do.

  Even now, more than a year and a half later, the thought of that night turned me on more than I could say.

  There had been a subtle change between us after that trip. He trusted me more. That heartbeat of panic that I had occasionally seen in his eyes disappeared. And more and more often, he went to bed with me rather than sleeping in his own room.

  One morning six months later, as I lay in bed watching him dress, I suggested we go to a club again. It was something Id been thinking about a lot, but I was surprised at the hesitation I saw in his eyes.

  “Is that what you want?” hed asked.

  “It seems like it helped,” I said. The fact that he didnt have to ask what I meant by that seemed like proof that I was right. “If being with other guys once in a while—”

  “No!” he said, cutting me off. He climbed onto the bed, straddling me and looking down into my eyes. “You dont get it, Zach. It wasnt dancin with those guys that made me feel better bout us.”

  “It wasnt?”

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. “It was cause you wanted it. It was somethin I could do for you.”

  Right or wrong, that only made me want it more. “So you dont want to do it again?” Id asked, trying not to sound disappointed.

  He gave me his lopsided smile, and I knew he thought I was being a bit dense. “Ill do whatever you want me to do, Zach,” he said. “But dont think you need to do it for me. Ill never touch another man again, if thats what you ask.”

  “And if thats not what I ask?”

  His grin grew, becoming a mischievous smile. “Then Ill do that too.”

  And now, a year later, we were here because Id finally admitted to him that I wanted to watch him do a lot more with another man than dance.

  Angelo ordered a beer, and I sat on the bar stool next to him, waiting. They always came to him. The first one was big, a bear wearing jeans and biker boots and a leather vest with no shirt. Angelo could act tough, but I knew big guys freaked him out. Hed never let a guy like that touch him. The second one was older than me by at least ten years, although not bad looking. That might have worked, but he only wanted to go with us if we went to a motel together. Angelo wouldnt go that far. But as the saying goes, the third ones the charm.
/>   He was young. I wouldnt even have believed that he was twentyone, except theyd obviously carded him when he came in the door. He had spiky blonde hair, a tattoo peaking out over the collar of his T-shirt, and ripped jeans with a thick chain that hung from his waist and disappeared into his pocket. He looked like a punk, and I smiled to myself. That was exactly what Id thought of Angelo once upon a time too.

  Angelo hooked his finger into the kids waistband and pulled him close. The kid already had his hands on Angelo, first on his hips, and then moving up his sides, under his shirt. Angelo didnt respond, just talked in the kids ear, too low for me to hear. But the kid nodded, and Angelo smiled over at me.

  “Wheres the back door?” Angelo asked. He wasnt even surprised when I knew the way.

  It was warm for late November in Colorado, which was lucky. There were two other guys in the alley. The narrow area between the buildings was a myriad of shadows, but I could make out enough to know that one was leaning against the wall, his hands gripping the head of the man kneeling before him. I deliberately chose a spot slightly illuminated by the street lamps at the end of the alley. I pushed Angelo gently back against the wall, and he pulled me close to him.

  “This really what you want?” he asked.

  “You dont want to?”

  “Ill do whatever you ask, Zach, but I cant take this back once its done. I need you to be sure.”

  Those words were an aphrodisiac to me, and I moaned, pushing hard against him. “Im sure.” This angel belonged to me. Nobody would ever know him the way I did. They might all want him, but he didnt care. He only cared what I wanted. And at the moment, I wanted nothing more than to see him get off. “I love you,” I told him.

  “You got a pretty fucked up way of showin it.” But I knew by the laughter in his voice that he was teasing.

  I stepped away from him, turning toward the punk. He was only a foot away, watching us, breathing hard. “Ill do either one of you,” he said, his voice thick with arousal.

  I reached out and grabbed his shirt, pulling him closer to us and turning him toward Angelo. “You only touch him.”

  Angelo pushed down on the kids shoulders, and he went to his knees willingly, whimpering in anticipation. I reached around his head to undo Angelos pants. I heard a zipper, and a moan from the kid at my feet. He had undone his pants and was stroking himself, his eyes wide as he watched me push Angelos boxers out of the way, revealing his erection. I leaned over the kid and kissed Angelo one more time, stroking him for just a moment before letting him go.

  I took a step back, giving the kid room to work, and myself enough space to watch it all. The kid wrapped his free hand around Angelos cock, and Angelo grabbed a handful of his hair, pulling him toward his waiting cock. Angelos eyes locked on mine, and he smiled at me. Then his breath caught, and I knew just by watching his face that the punk had really begun. His lips parted sensuously, and his eyes drifted shut, and he tipped his head backward against the wall. I kept my ears tuned to the sound of Angelos breathing as I watched. I knew it so well by now—the way it became louder at first, and yet somehow slower, too, like he wanted to moan, but couldnt remember how. After that, it sped up as his climax drew near, until he was panting, almost whimpering, although he rarely made a sound. And finally, he would catch his breath and hold it as he came, sometimes forgetting to breathe for so long that I wondered how he managed to remain conscious.

  He was lost in the pleasure now, drifting on that tide of sexual energy as the kid sucked him. I liked watching his face and the way his long, slender fingers tangled into the kids blonde hair. I liked the way the kids arm moved quicker and quicker as he beat himself off to the tempo of his head bobbing against Angelos groin. I was unbelievably turned on, almost painfully so, and trying to decide if I could wait until we got back to the car, or if I wanted to jack off right there while I watched. Angelos voice interrupted my thoughts.

  “Zach,” he said hoarsely, and I looked up into his half closed eyes. “Come here.”

  I moved closer. I leaned awkwardly over the kid at Angelos feet, and heard him groan as my weight pushed against his back. Angelo was already unzipping my jeans. He wrapped one arm around my neck and pulled me close, kissing me hard. His other hand slid into my pants and wrapped around my shaft. He stroked only once—

  And the whole world ceased to exist as I came. I didnt even notice the moment when Angelo quit breathing. I had no idea if the kid at my feet climaxed, too, or not. The release was almost as strong as it had been in that bathroom stall in Vegas so long ago. And it was nothing more than Angelos hand.

  The kid moved from between us, and I pulled Angelo close to me, both of us still shaking a bit and breathing hard. “Kind of kinky, arent you, Zach?” he teased.

  “You can always say no.”

  “I know I can,” he said. “Thats why I dont.”

  HE SLEPT on the ride back to Coda. At home, he followed me into my room and into my bed. He wrapped his arms around me and whispered to me in the dark, “The other way now, Zach.” I loved the thrill of watching him, but when it was all said and done, it always came down to this for him—not a wild fuck, but wanting me to make love to him, slowly and passionately. That was the thing hed never had before me. It was what he craved the most, and I was ever happy to oblige him.

  I kissed him, reveling in the feel of his skin against mine and his arms tight around me. I loved him so much, but even now, I often felt that I was walking on thin ice with him. I was so afraid of losing him. What I wanted more than anything was to marry him, but I had never mentioned it to him. Id thought about it many times, but each time I would flash back to that day in the motel room in Coda, two and a half years before, when the mere mention of living together caused him to have a panic attack. I didnt want that to happen again. So I waited, loving him, hoping that someday hed really, truly be mine.

  For tonight at least, he was, and we proved to each other one more time that we really were absolutely perfect together.

  Matt…

  WHENis a free trip to Paris not worth the trouble? I know what youre thinking: when its actually a scam to sell you a time share. That might have been bad….

  But this was worse.

  It was early Sunday morning when the phone rang. Jared of course was still sound asleep. I wondered who could possibly be calling before seven a.m. Angelo was the only other person I knew who made a habit of waking up as early as I did, but he would have called my cell, not our landline. It seemed like it could only be bad news, and I debated not answering it at all.

  I should really learn to trust my instincts.

  “Hello?”

  “Well hello, lovey. How are you this morning?”

  The voice was light. Feminine. Mocking. And just hearing it caused my hackles to rise.

  Of course it was Cole.

  “Im fine,” I said through clenched teeth.

  “Im so glad to hear that, sweetie.”

  “My name is Matt.”

  “I know. Is Jared available?”

  I fought back my irritation at him. It was a knee-jerk reaction I had to everything he did. And everything he said. And everything in the world that reminded me of him. It was completely unjustified, I knew. It wasnt his fault he had met Jared years before me. It wasnt his fault he had shared Jareds bed more times than I cared to think about.

  Or was it?

  “Hes sleeping,” I said. The stupid thing was, I knew Jared would want to talk to him. He would want me to wake him up. But I hated to do anything for Cole.

  “Thats too bad. If you could just give him a message, sweetie—”

  “Its Matt!”

  “It actually concerns you and Zach and Angelo as well, so it would be terribly helpful if you could just pass the info on to all of them. Jon and I have decided to get married.”

  “Really?”

  “Well, its not legally a marriage since the state wont recognize it, but just a little commitment ceremony. Symbolic really—”

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nbsp; I interrupted him to say, “Im really happy for you,” because I knew that I should be happy for him. Even though I wasnt. Not really. “Ill let Jared know—”

  “Honey, you havent let me tell you the good part!” Oh shit. Anything Cole thought was good was bound to piss me off. “Ive decided to fly all four of you out here for the wedding—”

  “What?”

  “Because we dont have any family at all you know, except George, and it seemed silly to have a ceremony where he was the only guest. So we talked about it, and we decided that the four of you just have to come. Its the first weekend in February, and Ive already reserved the rooms—”

  “I cant just drop everything and fly to Phoenix at the drop of a hat!”

  “Oh, honey, its not in Phoenix! Were doing it in Paris of course—”

  “What?”

  “And you might think the City of Love would be more open-minded about gay marriage. Honey, theyre not, but weve decided to do it there anyway. I was going to book the flights for you—”

  “Wait a minute!”

  “But then I realized I dont even know your last name, or Angelos for that matter, so—”

  “Stop!”

  “If you could just ask Jared to e-mail that information to me, I would really appreciate it, sweetie. And then well get the tickets reserved, and everything will be all set. Now I know Zach might think its odd, coming to see Jonathan get married, but just tell him—”

  “Im not telling him anything!”

  “That its all water under the bridge and wed really love for him to come. Listen honey—”

  “No, you listen—”

  “Im on the plane, and the stewardess is just glaring daggers at me. I have to turn my phone off now.”

  “Wait!”

  “Ill be waiting for Jareds e-mail. Bye!”

  “Cole? Cole?” But the line was already dead. I resisted the urge to throw my phone across the room. I settled for calling Jareds ex-fuckbuddy every bad name I could think of—and thanks to Angelo, that list had grown significantly over the past couple of years.